Building students' capacity for hard things
Discomfort is the curriculum. Coaches build capacity by combining warmth with a refusal to lower the bar.
§Build the relationship: attend extracurriculars, share funny videos, take genuine interest in what the student cares about.
§Praise what seems normal.
§Use the Dodson-inspired framing: 'I see you,' 'There are research-based ways to make this more manageable,' and 'I'll walk with you, even when it's uncomfortable.'
§Random calls home. Normalize discomfort. Notice when coaches lower the bar out of sympathy.
A coach says: 'I didn't push J on the planner this week. He had a really hard week and I didn't want to add to it.'
Where are YOU lowering the bar with one of your coaches out of sympathy?
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Warm AND. Never warm OR.
- 1Catch yourself once when sympathy is about to lower the bar. Hold both instead.
- 2Praise one piece of 'normal' for each coach you supervise, out loud.
A coach reports doing a hard thing they would have skipped a month ago, and the relationship is still intact.
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